the first square

This square for Deborah Dorbert was the first I stitched. As I listened to her devastating story, which I found at Abortion in America, I noticed that she emphasized the trauma of knowing that she was carrying a doomed fetus. But what struck me was that she knew exactly how many minutes she and her husband held their newborn, Milo, while he suffocated to death. Haunted by that detail, I decided to convey it by making 94 stitches at one-minute intervals. When she said that Milo was blue when he was handed to her, I knew that would be the color I’d use, and I chose fabrics that contrasted, so each circle would be visible. But otherwise I wasn’t exactly sure why I was imagining concentric circles as the design, which is still the most abstract of any of the squares’ designs. I think the circles connect to the image of Deborah, her husband, and Milo clustered together during those 94 minutes, which is seared into the memories of those parents. The pattern on the largest circle fortuitously reinforces that idea. Finally, I chose velvet for the smallest circle, because its softness invites touch and conveys all kinds of “touch” involved in this story: the parents touching their baby and my desire to “touch” them with a comforting embrace.